Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
