he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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