from now on my penis is your penis
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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