I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
