eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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