i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
