I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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