But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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