haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
