You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Found your dick twin last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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