They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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