we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
