I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize