i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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