Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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