taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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