similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
