I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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