I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
