Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
