one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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