we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
