Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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