I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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