How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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