How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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