he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
