Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
