Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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