Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
