I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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