I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
