every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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