She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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