dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
