her vagine was all disorganized.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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