That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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