It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She told me I should be a condom model.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize