If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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