Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
