Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize