so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
