I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
