She's JV to your varsity
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
