have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
