Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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