So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
