Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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