Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
