dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
