I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
