sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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