He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize