he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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