The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
