I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
