So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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