make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
