You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
