1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
