i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize