So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize