Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i think i just lost a toe
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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