I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
