I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
