i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize