i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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