thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
