Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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