His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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