Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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