Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just forgot I was standing up.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
