i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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